Four Grounding and Breathing Techniques for Anxiety

If you didn't yet know, I am very open about telling people that I struggle with anxiety and depression. My depression is generally mild, but triggered by my anxiety which is moderately high.

The first time I went to a therapist at age 31, I told her I thought I may deal with some anxiety. Honestly I hoped she would just reassure me that I was wrong and "fine". It was important to me and my husband to be vocal about mental health, so I started doing just that.

Then, at 32 I had a therapist confirm my anxiety and depression and for some reason that was a big blow. For some reason the confirmation of everything made me immediately want to shut down and hide for self-preservation. I was suddenly afraid of people's well meaning but insensitive comments. I felt broken, although nothing had changed but someone confirming what I'd been thinking and saying for the last 6 months. But I knew I could not be silent.

My husband struggles with less anxiety but more depression that I do. Demystifing and normalizing conversations around mental health was important to us. I knew that if I stifled my own conversations around my mental health, then I would be feeding antiquated mental health beliefs. Do I still struggle with responses from people? Sure, I read far too much into their words and looks. But still I speak and share.

Being able to identify how anxiety feels in my body (which I will share more on one day), has been hugely helpful in identifying when I feel anxious. For me a racing heart or tightness in my chest is the most prominent bodily response. Once I am aware of how I'm feeling, grounding and breathing teachniques are key to helping me calm my body and my mind, so I want to share my four most used techniques below!

Have you used any of these techniques before or are these new to you?

A Beginners Guide to Positive Affirmations

If you’ve never used positive affirmations, it’s understandable that they might seem…strange. I get it. In the past, I always had a really high “woo woo” meter, scoffing at anything I thought was “out there” or “hippie dippie”. Which is ironic, because I now love all that hippie dippie woo woo shit. I. Am. Here for it! But guys, positive affirmations are not “woo woo”. In fact, there is plenty of research and neuroscience to back them up.

I was first encouraged to use affirmations when I started going to therapy. It felt silly looking in the mirror and saying things about my self-worth, but I did it anyways because I figured if I wasn’t going to be all-in with tools therapy was giving me, what was the point in paying for it and showing up every week. Therapy is so much more about self-work than blabbing on for an hour, so I buckled down and said kind things to myself.

Affirmations help us to have a flexibleself-identity and help us adapt to situations better. Using phrases to affirm your values helps lower our defensiveness. Affirmation statements even activate reward centers within our brains. Positive Psychology has an amazing, in-depth article on the power of positive affirmations if you are looking for a place to start!

Some research suggests beginning with neutral self-talk if your self-esteem and self-talk is low and extremely negative. Going to therapy to understand where these self-talk tapes come from can be helpful, as is self-compassion (you can find more in Kristin Neff’s book here). Both of these tools were incredibly helpful for me. But for now, using curiosity (about WHY your inner dialogue is negative, and whether more positive beliefs could begin to be true) and neutral affirmations could be your next step!

Personally, I use affirmations in a couple of ways. Sometimes I write them all out and read them outloud in the mirror while I'm getting ready. I stay away form hopeful or future language and focus on the present. In stead of, "I'm trying to honor my commitments to myself" change it simply to “I honor my commitments to myself.” There is power in looking into the mirror and declaring something about yourself. It feels strange at first if you don't believe it, but repeat it a few times and see how that feeling changes. This is the power of affirmations.

I also sometimes pick a specific affirmation based on the season I feel I'm in. If I'm really struggling with trying to do everything myself, I may write "I ask for help when I need it" on a notecard and carry it around with me. Everytime I see it throughout the day, I repeat it to myself. The next time someone asks if I need help and I open my mouth to say no, I typically remember the affirmation and try to honor it by finding a way in which I'm comfortable getting help.

Below are some affirmations for different areas of life, and you can find some affirmations specific to Enneagram twos on my blog! What is YOUR favorite affirmation? Share it with me below!

Career
1. I am creating my life exactly as I want it.
2. I embrace the power of my voice.
3. I can do hard things.
4. If I keep doing this, it will become easier.

Relationships
1. I am not responsible for how others react to me.
2. I matter. I am allowed to say "no" to others and "yes" to myself.
3. I am grateful that love is all around me.
4. I happily give and receive love each day.

Self-Worth
1. I am enough.
2. I am allowed to make mistakes.
3. I am worthy of self-care and compassion
4. I deserve to be treated well because I am worth loving.

Your past
1. I am not defined by my mistakes.
2. I forgive myself so that I can forgive others.
3. I give up the hope of a different past by accepting my true past.
4. I have the courage to heal and become whole again.

For those with anxiety
1. I release my negative thoughts, embracing positivity and optimism.
2. I allow myself to feel my emotions without letting them control me.
3. I breathe in peace, I breathe out tension.
4. I am safe and in control.



I also love a quote print so I have loads in my Etsy shop, like the ones seen below.

Holiday Grief

If you don’t know me, then let me say I am obsessed with Christmas. For me Christmas is a time of warmth, light, coziness. I love to cultivate those things within my home. To cover the walls with greenery, to string lights all around the house, to put childhood mementos in places of honor. For me Christmas is full of slow cozy mornings with low lighting and hot coffee, quiet nights with drinks by tree lights, weeks of cooking and creating and giving to others. Over our past few Christmases together, I’ve also been working to develop traditions with my husband making our holidays all the more magical.

And then in October, my grandma died. 

Loss. Fear. Darkness.

Hers is the only death I have experienced in my adult life. However it is the third death in my

family that has occurred in October. What a mess of a month.

Before I was born, my parents lost my old sister after just 8 days. Generational sadness

permeated my life without my ever realizing it.

When I was 13, my grandpa died. I had grown up near most of my family, but we had moved to

Arizona 4 months before his passing. I was already depressed, disconnected, lost. His loss was

never fully processed.

Nearly two months ago my grandma passed.

My sister’s birth and death, my grandma’s death, my grandpa’s death.The dates of these losses

span just 14 days in October.

In the past seven weeks I have felt overcome with layers and layers of sadness, years of grief, all

compounding with this most recent loss. And I find myself in the midst of my absolute favorite time

of year, completely unmerry and joyful. For a while I wasn’t sure I would even decorate for

Christmas but it does so much for my mood that I eventually knew I couldn’t weather the holidays

without doing so, but it's simply different. I put up a tree that I never finished decorating. I dried

oranges that I never strung into a garland. I have watched exactly one Christmas movie, done

zero Christmas bakes, seen zero lights, had no mulled wine, missed every single night of advent

thus far.

I have no answers, this story is not over nor will it end. I will journey through these losses for years,

carrying them with me. For now I am simply working to sort through them, to learn how to carry the

pain. All I wanted to do today is pass along some of my most favorite resources so far. This list is by

no means exhaustive, it’s simply my current lifeline as I prepare to weather to holidays with a heavy

heart.

My favorite resource (currently) is the podcast “Grief Cast” by Cariad Lloyd. I stumbled it upon it

ages ago through a comedian I followed. After my grandma passed, I checked it out again and have

begun listening daily to previous episodes. Cariad hosts comedians who talk about their life losses.

They go deep and simultaneously remain light. Feeling understood and connected, hearing my grief

through the words of others, they make me feel less alone when I don’t or can’t talk to those around

me.

Instragram:

@thatgoodgrief

@shelbyforsythia

Podcasts:

Grief Cast

What’s Your Grief

Coming Back

Books:

Permission to Grieve by Shelby Forsythe

It’s OK that You’re Not OK by Megan Devine

Grief Works by Julia Samuel

Website:

What’s Your Grief

Resources I’ve been given (but cannot vouch for yet):

Modern Loss by Rebecca Soffer and Gabrielle Birkner

Grief Out Loud (podcast)

The Airing of Grief (podcast)

Grief Unveiled (podcast)

**Please note that while I use Amazon affiliate links in other places on this site, these are straight

links. I have no desire to profit off your grief and I wanted that to be clear.

Positive Affirmations for Enneagram Twos

This post contains affiliate links, more information can be found in the disclosure policy.

Where my Enneagram Twos at?!

When I first read about the Enneagram and started exploring what number I might be, The Helper, or 2, immediately stood out to me. It really struck a chord...but not a good one. I felt like an open book, but I didn't like what was being pointed out. For MONTHS I told people I was "maybe" a 2, and explored other numbers secretly hoping to find something else that fit but I never did. I once read a joke that all enneagram numbers think theirs is the worst and it must be true; my husband is a 7 and he once told me his had to be the worst number of them all.

The Enneagram is by far my favorite tool for self-realization and character development. In order to find your number you need to be very self aware. The Enneagram is not a simple either/or of various character traits. The Enneagram is related to your deepest core fears and beliefs. It is a tool that reads your secret motivations, and is all about understanding how to become the healthiest (insert number here) you can be!

The Enneagram doesn't allow you to say, aw shucks, sorry I was so shitty back there, it's because I'm a 2/4/9/whatever. It is a tool to identify where you need growth. You must do the work to become healthy. So, for all my 2s out there, I have some affirmations for you!

I use affirmations in a couple of ways. Sometimes I write them all out and read them outloud in the mirror while I'm getting ready. These are written as statements that are true about you, or as things you are currently doing. If you change the wording to say "I'm trying to honor my commitments to myself", the affirmation loses effectiveness. There is power in looking into the mirror and declaring something about yourself. It feels strange at first if you don't believe it, but repeat it a few times and see how that feeling changes. This is the power of affirmations.

I also sometimes pick a specific affirmation based on the season I feel I'm in. If I'm really struggling with trying to do everything myself, I may write "I ask for help when I need it" on a notecard and carry it around with me. Everytime I see it throughout the day, I repeat it to myself. The next time someone asks if I need help and I open my mouth to say no, I typically remember the affirmation and try to honor it by finding a way in which I'm comfortable getting help.

So print off this list, attach it to your mirror, heck, make it your phone background if you need it! But give it a try at the very least!

My therapist is a huge proponent of research, so here is some empirical evidence from an article about the benefits of using affirmations.

1. Self-affirmations have been shown to decrease health-deteriorating stress (Sherman et al., 2009; Critcher & Dunning, 2015);
2. Self-affirmations have been used effectively in interventions that led people to increase their physical behavior (Cooke et al., 2014);
3. They may help us to perceive otherwise “threatening” messages with less resistance, including interventions (Logel & Cohen, 2012);
4. They can make us less likely to dismiss harmful health messages, responding instead with the intention to change for the better (Harris et al., 2007) and to eat more fruit and vegetables (Epton & Harris, 2008);
5. They have been linked positively to academic achievement by mitigating GPA decline in students who feel left out at college (Layous et al., 2017);
6. Self-affirmation has been demonstrated to lower stress and rumination (Koole et al., 1999; Weisenfeld et al., 2001).

Not sure what your number is, or looking for more resources? Here are some great books and websites!

The Enneagram Institute
Eclectic Energies
The Narrative Enneagram
Personality Types by Riso and Hudson
The Road Back to You by Cron and Stabile
The Sacred Enneagram by Heuertz
The Path Between Us by Stabile
The Enneagram by Rohr and Ebert



So for my twos, are there any specific affirmations you use or need to hear? Let me know in the comments!